Get rid of loneliness, the entire universe is within you?

We live in a big world of more than 7 billion people but deep in our hearts we are lonely souls trying to find our way. Social pain is not very different from physical pain as research interestingly proves that loneliness impacts our health in a greater way than smoking or obesity. Researchers have proved that loneliness and rejection activate the same parts of the brain as physical pain.

Basically, humans are social animals with the need to feel a sense of belongingness but surprisingly, we are becoming the loneliest animals on the planet. Many researchers predict that we can soon expect a “loneliness epidemic,” which when prolonged can increase early death by 30%.

Then everything boils down to one basic question as to why are we getting lonelier?

The modern lifestyle seems to have an answer to this. Our families are shrinking from big joint families to lonelier nuclear families far away from our roots, our extended families and friends, with no time to spend together. We live in a virtual world of laptops and mobile phones with no face to face interaction. We are less connected to people and our relationships have become more superfluous and less rewarding.

So, how do we connect ourselves with more people and get rid of loneliness?

1. Know yourself better

“Being alone does not mean we are lonely and being lonely does not mean we are alone.”

The most important question is how comfortable we are being left on our own without any gadgets and people around. As the science of NLP ( Neuro Linguistic Programming) rightly says, “We are a product of our environment, our behaviors, our capabilities, our beliefs and values, our identity and our sense of purpose”. Unless we understand and accept ourselves completely we cannot appreciate the company of others. When we connect with others without understanding ourselves we are running away from ourselves and desperately distracting ourselves with new company which mayn't be fruitful. When we break our inner chains we can see the beauty outside.

2. Interact with People and join groups with similar interests.

“People with many interests live, not only the longest, but also the happiest.”

How long has it been since we spoke to someone new? Strike up a conversation with the person next door or someone we met on the way to work or a jogger at the running trail that we frequent.It’s a bigger world with lot more people and a fair chance to connect with many of them if we stop giving ourselves excuses.If we don’t limit ourselves to the current reality and spread our wings the world looks lot more beautiful. We all have an intrinsic need to feel accepted by others, and connecting with like-minded people could turn out to be the best decision we’ve made for our mental and emotional health.

When we share a common bond with people it’s easier to connect with them and overcome loneliness. How do we do that? Well then it’s not really that difficult. Watch out for local meetups and groups that might interest us and join them. Check out for groups related to our hobbies like trekking, cycling etc. Though it looks like a big world, it’s not really that big and we might end up with like-minded people who might also be looking out for friends like us. The big thing surely is to stop hesitating.

3. Replace gadgets and technologies with people.

“Our cell phones have already replaced our camera, our calendar, our alarm clock… let’s not let it replace our family”

We are lost in the world of smart phones, laptops and other gadgets. Talking to people online is much easier and comfortable than a face to face interaction. However we don’t realize that the drawbacks of being in a virtual world is far more ghastly than a face to face interaction. We can’t see their expressions while online, or feel the energy of the person through the computer or phone. If we limit our technology usage to the minimum level we will have far more time to connect with people and share commonalities. Now the question is where do we start? Start at our workplace, the park where we go jogging every morning or our neighbors. It’s easier to connect with people in the places we visit often and develop great friendships.

4. Understand your feelings and check if they are close to reality or not.

“Pay attention to your gut feelings. No matter how good something looks, if it doesn’t feel right , walk away”

When we feel lonely check whether it’s a temporary feeling. When we share a strong bonding with friends and family, being away from them for a while can make us feel very lonely and that is temporary. Connecting back to our circle of people via a phone call resolves this. Sometimes being lonely can be a boon if we try to reconnect with our inner self by spending some time alone. This self-reflection can be very helpful as it helps us understand our own feelings and emotions as our feelings may not always mirror reality. The science of NLP helps us to manage our emotions and in turn our life better and in a more fruitful way.

5. Instead of paying attention to  your own feelings, focus your attention on helping others.

“We rise by lifting others.” – Robert Ingersoll

More often the things we take for granted are things someone else is praying for. Take time out to think about people who are not as privileged as us, who have nothing to look forward to in the tomorrows, and no people to call their own. Volunteering for social causes helps us as much as the society. While we learn to appreciate the things and people in our life, we also get a feel of seeing the other side of life.

6. Involve yourself in activities that you truly enjoy.

“The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time.”

We don’t always have to join groups to overcome loneliness. We can meet new people at the regular places we visit like parks, workplace or while trekking,or cycling or maybe a new buddy at your gym. There are innumerable ways to make new friends along the way. The only important thing is to release our fears about meeting new people.

On a final note, if we focus on our similarities more than our differences, we can build a strong foundation for a lasting friendship with anyone using our NLP based rapport building skills.

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